Why do girls like being choked

• Erotic asphyxiation (breath play) is the consensual restricting of the airflow of your partner for a brief period of time.
• Breath play is a sexual activity favored by some members of the BDSM community.
• Despite many sources on how to safely practice breath play, the activity is still dangerous and can cause permanent damage and death.
• Psychological motivations include power dynamics, curiosity, pleasure from risk and panic, trust issues, and the added release of endorphins.

For some individuals, the idea of having a partner’s hand tightly cover their nose and mouth or having that hand tighten around their neck as an addition to their sexual experience is abhorrent to them. For others, the mere thought of being choked by their partner is a cause for sexual arousal.

Erotic asphyxiation is the consensual restriction of the airflow of a partner for a brief period of time, commonly referred to as breath (or air) play. Autoerotic asphyxiation is when an individual turns this practice into a solo effort.

Needless to say, while there are many materials and classes out there instructing how to practice erotic asphyxiation safely, there remains a high level of risk to the practice of cutting off another’s oxygen. In fact, Sheff (2021) refers to breath play as one of the most dangerous kink activities. Whereas most kink activities do not result in permanent injury, erotic asphyxiation runs the risk of death.

David Pillow (known in the BDSM community as Master Kyros) is a BDSM instructor. He recently said to me, “Breath play in BDSM is, to me, the most dangerous form of play. It is the only type of play that even if you make no 'mistake,' it can cause severe damage or death. Many dungeons will not allow breath play to be done under any circumstance. Because mainstream films and books have romanticized it, people who attempt breath play have a fantasy view about it.”

Despite the danger, and in some cases because of it, pleasure is derived from the restriction of oxygen for select individuals and couples. Shields, et al., (2005) list four types of erotic asphyxiation:

1. compression of the neck
2. smothering with such instruments as a plastic bag
3. compression of the chest (sometimes referred to as corseting)
4. excluding oxygen with the inhalation of another gas

I have been asked why people choose to practice such a risky endeavor. The reasons go beyond the end goal of enhancing sexual pleasure.

A study conducted at the University of North Dakota (Chapple, 2018) looked into the practice and inner dynamics of erotic asphyxiation. In a survey of 137 practitioners of erotic asphyxiation, the researcher found several motivations, including:

• Some found the feeling of power to be erotic
• An increased level of trust with partner
• Finding choking to be erotic
• Viewing their partner as being sexy for wanting to try it (something new)
• Curiosity
• Pleasure in the risk or the feeling of panic
• Heightened feeling of pleasure during orgasm

Of the research participants, 93.4 percent endorsed airflow restriction, while 6.6 percent negatively endorsed the practice.

Source: Alycia Fung/Pexels

The findings of the UND study revealed some of the psychological motives promoting exploring erotic asphyxiation:

• As noted, for some people, it’s not necessarily being physically choked that brings pleasure—even the thought of being choked is arousing. This opens up the possibility of several role-playing scenarios to enhance sexual pleasure between partners. Individuals with the paraphilia Hybristophilia are sexually aroused by partnering with a person who is dangerous or believed to be dangerous. Breath play opens up role-playing opportunities where one person pretends to be dangerous and chokes the other. While the role-play itself is safe, the breath play aspect of the playing is not necessarily.
• Endorphins are released when airflow resumes and those who have had their oxygen withheld begin to take fresh breaths. This endorphin release, paired with the rush of hormones already heightened during sexual intercourse, is a highly desired feeling for some individuals.
• In many BDSM activities, power dynamics are an essential component. Whether taking the role of the dominant or the submissive, breath play serves as a useful instrument in the manifestation of power.
• Trust building is most certainly a factor in why people would engage in breath play. To take part in a sexual activity where the risk of danger or death is a possibility with a partner definitely defines trust levels.
• Finally, it is considered taboo. The mere fact that a sexual activity is taboo is enough for some people to find it arousing. Couple a taboo pronouncement with the element of danger and you have the perfect recipe for sexual allurement for some individuals.

(It is not my intention to support or oppose erotic asphyxiation here. I do not judge any consensual sexual proclivity. That being said, I will always note the risks and highlight the importance of consent. But as several people have asked me about the “why” surrounding breath play, I am identifying some of the psychological motivations behind the activity. A deeper delving into the dynamics of erotic asphyxiation will be set aside for a future "This Sexual Self" article.)

Understanding the psychology behind sexual activities and sexuality as a fundamental drive is important as it provides us with a wider understanding—and hopefully, acceptance—of human sexuality. It gives a better insight into our sexual well-being and happiness. And it serves as a window into our sexual selfhood that explains both positive and negative sexual attributes that act as guideposts to our past, present, and future sexual selves.

References

Chapple, L. (2018). Characteristics Of Individuals Who Participate In Autoerotic Asphyxiation Practices: An Exploratory Study. University of North Dakota, Theses and Dissertations, 2185.

Sheff, E. (2021). Kinky sex gone wrong: Legal prosecutions concerning consent, age, play, and death via BDSM. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 50(1), 761-771.

Shields, L. B., Hunsaker, D. M., Hunsaker, J. C., III, Wetli, C. V., Hutchins, K. D., & Holmes, R. M. (2005). Atypical autoerotic death: Part II. American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology, 26(1), 53–62.