Which of the following is the best method for teaching a teenager about an upcoming surgery?

The prospect of surgery and hospitalization can obviously be frightening and overwhelming for any child. As a parent, you're worried too, but remember that your child looks to you for reassurance. You can help your child by preparing them as best you can with age-appropriate information:

For stories to read with your child about having surgery, please click here.

Preoperative Preparation

If you are looking for additional guidance or have more questions about preparing your child for surgery, a child life specialist (CLS) can be a helpful resource. A CLS is a trained member of the multidisciplinary team who can meet with your child to explain what will happen, and why, in terms your child will understand. Child life staff are also available by phone or email to answer questions and provide resources to caregivers.

If you would like to speak to a CLS, please contact us online.

You can help your child cope with the stress of his upcoming surgery by:

In an effort to reassure your child, you may be tempted to say things that are not accurate, however, it is important to be honest. Tell your child why he is going to the hospital, in simple terms. If something will hurt, say so. Explain that although it will hurt for a while, the doctors and nurses will make sure he is as comfortable as possible.

Children can tell when their parents are worried. Learn as much as you can about your child's surgery; the more you know, the better you'll feel. Then you can help explain things to your child. In addition, ask the surgeon's office if you and your child can meet with a Child Life Specialist (CLS) ahead of time.  A CLS is a trained member of the team who can talk with your child to explain what will happen in terms your child will understand.  Your child will also be better able to talk about her concerns and ask questions when she knows more.

Talk to your child about how he may feel about going to the hospital and/or after surgery. Remember that children of different ages will need differing amounts of time to process the information. For recommendations on when to begin these conversations, click here. Open up the discussion and ask your child if he has any questions. You might want to ask a few of your own questions to find out how your child feels and clear up any misunderstandings he may have:

• What do you know about the hospital/surgery?
• What do you think is the hardest part about having surgery and being in the hospital?
• What things would make this part easier? What things could we do to help make it easier?
• What do you think will be the best part about having surgery and being in the hospital?
• Is there anything you’re worried or wondering about the hospital?
• What questions do you have?

Be sure to include your entire family — brothers and sisters, too — in one of your "pre-hospital" talks.

Emphasize that the hospital stay is temporary; your child will come home as soon as the doctor says it's OK. Point out similarities between the hospital and home such as regular meals, chances to play and having one's own bed. Some kids think they've been "bad," and surgery and hospitalization are their "punishment," so make sure your child knows it's not her fault.

Give very simple explanations and choose your words carefully. For example, say "The doctor is going to fix or help (the body part)” when describing the reason for surgery.  An incision can be described as “making a small opening” rather than “cutting your skin.”   Instead of explaining anesthesia by telling your child the doctor is going to put her to sleep, instead try saying, “The doctor will give you special sleep medicine (anesthesia) so you do not feel, see, or hear anything during your surgery.” Saying “put to sleep” may remind her of a pet being put to sleep and may create unnecessary concerns.  

Kids may be angry, sad, scared, or any combination of emotions. Don't tell your child it's wrong to be mad — just make sure he channels his anger properly. Tell him it's normal to be frightened — and it's OK to cry.

Reading books about the hospital and surgery can be helpful for children and their siblings to learn about the experience in a non-threatening way.  If you read these books before discussing the child’s own surgery, you can reference these positive and familiar stories in your explanation.  Two books we recommend are Bernstein Bears: Hospital Friends and Franklin Goes to the Hospital. Click here to see a list of resources that may be helpful in preparing your child for their surgery.

Kids love to pretend. Play interactively with your child, using dolls, stuffed animals, and pretend doctor’s kit to help her better understand what will happen. Illustrate the situation clearly for your child, and watch closely for misconceptions (such as: "This is happening to me because I did something bad.") You may want to ask one of the hospital's child life specialists for guidance on how to explain what will happen, and why, in terms your child can understand.

Giving your child a sense of control over at least one aspect of his hospitalization will go a long way toward reassuring him. Let younger children be there as you pack for the hospital stay and ask them to pick a comfort item or favorite toy they want to bring to the hospital. Older children and teens should also bring a few comfort items such as a phone, a tablet or books.

Offer as much physical and emotional reassurance as possible. Even older children may need you more during this time. Hold your child's hand and offer extra hugs especially when they are uncomfortable following surgery.

Be at the hospital with your child, whenever possible. When you can't be there, try to schedule another family member or trusted friend to fill in for you.  We know how much your child needs you to help them through this stressful time and if they need to stay overnight, having a caregiver or loved one will help them feel more comfortable. Check with your child’s healthcare team to see what options are available.

Everyone — and your child is no exception — can display behaviors when he's facing the unknown or a new experience, such as surgery. Toddlers may cry and be fussy. They may be very clingy and become hard to comfort and console. School-age children may return to bedwetting or thumbsucking, or display new fears, such as fear of the dark. All kids may have angry outbursts or tantrums. Give your child lots of love and let him know you'll be there throughout his surgery. Remember that his changed behavior will usually improve after the stress of the procedure or surgery has passed.

Be patient with yourself, too. Simplify your life as much as possible. Don't be afraid to say "no" to your usual obligations. Get lots of rest and eat right. Whenever possible, ask for help from family and friends.

You can help your child have the best experience by preparing in advance for his or her procedure. This page lists age-specific tips for ways to reduce and possibly avoid causing anxiety for your child as you prepare for your visit.

Information by age group

For a list of recommended books about illness, medical visits, and other topics for each age range, see the Child Life Program's Websites and Books page.

Infants: 0 to 12 months

Common causes of stress for infants

• Separation from parents
• Unfamiliar caregivers
• Strange sights, sounds, and smells
• New and different routines
• Interrupted sleep

How you can help

• Make sure you and your baby are well-rested.
• Attempt to remain calm; your baby can pick up on your stress.
• During the period when your baby cannot eat, attempt to distract your child by rocking, walking, and comforting him or her.
• Bring a favorite blanket or pacifier to the hospital. It may also be helpful to have a familiar bottle for use after surgery or procedures.

Supporting your child as anesthesia is being started (induction)

• Read a favorite book.
• Listen to music.
• Sing or talk. Simply hearing a familiar voice can be comforting to infants.

We have toys, music, and boys available at the PainFree Program or you can bring items from home.

Additional items to consider bringing

• A car seat or stroller. These are helpful when you are leaving the hospital.
• Formula and bottle (if used), or a favorite sippy cup. Children can typically resume their regular diet after their procedure

Toddlers: 1 to 3 years

When to prepare: Plan to begin preparing your toddler the day before his or her procedure. Preparation too far in advance may increase their anxiety.

Common causes of stress for toddlers

• Being left alone
• Loss of comforts
• Stranger anxiety: contact with unfamiliar people
• Medical equipment
• Restricted movement

How you can help

• Toddlers like to make choices, so offer some whenever possible. For example, have your toddler choose which toy to bring or which shirt to wear.
• Explain who the staff are and what they will do before it happens.
• Provide simple explanations and be careful of your wording. For example, say "The doctor is going to fix your leg." Do not say "The doctor is going to make a cut on your leg."
• Read books with your child about going to the hospital.

Supporting your child as anesthesia is being started (induction)

• Read a favorite book.
• Sing, count, or tell a story.
• Blow bubbles.
• Watch a movie.
• Listen to music.

We have toys, music, movies, and books available at the PainFree Program or you can bring items from home.

Additional items to consider bringing

• Diapers or pull-ups
• An extra set of clothing
• A favorite sippy cup and snack for after the procedure
• A stroller. This is helpful to have when leaving the hospital.

Preschoolers: 3 to 5 years

When to prepare: Plan to begin preparing your preschool-aged child three days before his or her procedure. Preparation too far in advance can increase their anxiety.

Common causes of stress for preschoolers

• Being left alone
• Fear of having a body part damaged
• Fear of needles and shots
• Fear of pain or the anticipation of pain
• Interrupted routines

How you can help

• Explain what the hospital will be like in honest and simple terms, and answer all questions. For example, if asked about pain, explain to your child: "Yes it will hurt, but not for long."
• Explain to your child why he or she is having the scheduled procedure. Preschoolers often feel they have done something wrong and surgery is their punishment for being "bad."
• Choices can increase your child's sense of control, so offer them when appropriate and possible.
• Have your child tour the facility prior to the procedure. We offer a Sneak-a-Peek tour for surgery.
• Read books with your child about going to the hospital.

Supporting your child as anesthesia is being started (induction)

• Read a favorite book.
• Sing, count, or tell a story.
• Blow bubbles.
• Watch a movie.
• Listen to music.

We have toys, music, movies, and books available at the PainFree Program, or you can bring items from home.

Additional items to consider bringing

• Pull-ups or extra underwear and clothes
• A stroller. This is helpful to have when leaving the hospital.

School-aged: 5 to 12 years

When to prepare: Plan to begin preparing your child one week before his or her procedure. Preparation too far in advance can increase their anxiety.

Common causes of stress for school-aged children

• Loss of control
• Fear of pain or the anticipation of pain
• Fear of needles and shots
• Fear of waking up during surgery

How you can help

• Make sure your child knows why he or she is having surgery. School-aged children may feel they have done something wrong and surgery is their punishment for being "bad."
• Explain the benefits of your child's surgery. For example, "After your arm has healed, you will be able to play baseball again."
• Choices can increase your child's sense of control, so offer them when appropriate and possible.
• Ask your child to explain back to you what is going to happen at the hospital. This can help you learn whether or not your child has a clear understanding of what to expect.
• Have your child tour the facility prior to his or her surgery. We offer a Sneak-a-Peek tour for surgery.
• Let your child know it is okay to be afraid and to cry.
• Because school-aged children have a great deal of imagination, be sure to talk to them honestly. Encourage your child to ask questions and provide honest answers to eliminate misunderstanding.
• Read books with your child about going to the hospital.

Supporting your child as anesthesia is being started (induction)

• Read a book or tell a story.
• Sing or listen to music.
• Tell jokes
• Use guided imagery or thinking of a “happy” or “vacation” place.
• Watch movies or play video games.
• Play I Spy games

We have toys, music, movies, and books available at the PainFree Program, or you can bring items from home.

Additional items to consider bringing

• Change of clothing/underwear

Teenagers: 12 to 18 years

When to prepare: Teens often appreciate being treated as active participants in decision-making. You and your teen can begin learning and preparing as soon as the decision to have the procedure is made.

Common causes of stress for teenaged children

• Loss of control
• Change in appearance
• Fear of surgery and its risks
• Fear of pain
• Fear of dying during surgery
• Fear of the unknown
• Concern with body image

How you can help

• Respect your teen's need for privacy, and his or her concern about body image.
• Talk openly and frequently about what is going to happen.
• Teenagers are often uncomfortable admitting they do not understand. Parents and healthcare professionals may need to explain the procedure and treatment several different ways to help a teen fully understand and become more comfortable.
• Encourage teens to bring a few comfort items from home, such as books, tablets, phone, games, music, soft blankets, slippers, or a favorite pillow.
• Be truthful in answering questions. Teens can become angry if they feel they are being lied to.
• Have your teen tour the facility prior to surgery. We offers a Sneak-a-Peek tour for surgery.
• Have your teen read about going to the hospital or having surgery.

Supporting your teen as anesthesia is being started (induction)

• Read a book.
• Sing or listen to music.
• Tell jokes.
• Use guided imagery or thinking of a “happy” or “vacation” place.
• Watch movies or play video games.
• Play I Spy games.

Recommended reading resources for teens