Which of the following is the best approach to refusing requests?

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Are your customers asking for the moon?

Jonah's patience with his client was wearing thin. He'd just received yet another email requesting that the deadline be brought forward for the product he was developing for her company.

"This wasn't included in the initial brief," he thought. "Even if I work around the clock or she increases the budget (which she hasn't offered to do), I'll never be able to get this in on time."

Jonah's dilemma is a common problem for many organizations. And it's one that reflects the project management triple constraints model (also referred to as the "Iron Triangle"). In effect, the model states: "We can do it fast. We can do it cheap. We can do it well. But we can't do all three. So, choose any two."

Projects that are done quickly and cheaply, for instance, will unlikely be of high quality. But, given a bigger budget and better resources, high-quality work can be achieved faster. Meanwhile, jobs that must be of high quality, but which have a low budget, will usually take a long time to complete.

Customers, however, don't always see it this way. Some insist on demanding top-notch work at breakneck speed, for the lowest possible cost. So, what can you do to manage unrealistic expectations like these and keep your clients happy at the same time?

In this article, we look at a three-step approach that can help you to deal with excessive customer demands.

Step One: Understand the Customer's Problem

When you receive an unreasonable request from a client, your first response might be confusion or exasperation. Maybe the client has changed their mind all of a sudden, or is asking you to do more for the same money.

Remember that your client is not trying to be difficult deliberately, they just don't understand the impact that their request will have in terms of quality, budget, or time. You might know that their demand is unrealistic, but they don't.

So, even if you're frustrated, do your best to remain calm and professional. Proactively managing your emotions in this way will enable you to stay in control, and to prevent matters from escalating if exchanges or negotiations become tense.

Try to understand why your client believes their request is reasonable. Listen actively to them and look at the problem through their eyes. Are they under pressure from senior bosses? Are they fully aware of the procedures you need to follow?

Make a genuine effort to solve the client's problem and demonstrate empathy. For example, tell them that you can see why they would like it that way and that you're sorry their request doesn't fit into the current schedule. Follow up by asking whether there's anything else you could do to improve matters (though do stop short of simply giving in to the client's demands).

Establishing rapport in this way will help you to manage their expectations better and increase your chances of finding a happy resolution. It can also help to prevent your relationship from breaking down, and to protect your reputation. A dissatisfied or angry customer could post negative reviews or comments about you on social media, for instance.

Step Two: Explain Your Situation

If you have received a request to do something that you don't think you can deliver, the first thing to do is make sure that your initial assumptions are correct.

Check that your refusal doesn't breach the terms of your original agreement and, if it doesn't, refer your client back to it. If you're still unsure, get a second opinion from a senior colleague, who might have an alternative solution that you haven't thought about yet.

If your colleague agrees that nothing can be done, you'll need to go back to the customer and justify your decision to them. Be friendly, but firm. You don't want to come across as dismissive or unsympathetic.

Explain your situation in a way that they will understand. Avoid using jargon or general excuses like, "I'm sorry, but our systems won't allow that." Your client won't know anything about your systems, or particularly care about them. Share as much information as you can about the processes that you use and emphasize why these take time.

If the problem is to do with the budget, be as transparent as you can about the costs involved and explain why some resources cost what they do. But, don't overshare! Stop short of discussing things like your profit margins or the markups that you need to achieve on your products or services.

If your client still doesn't understand why you can't do what they want, and becomes unreasonable or rude, stay professional and avoid reacting in kind. Depersonalizing the situation can help here. For example, avoid using "I" or "Me" statements. Instead, say, "Our initial agreement didn't cover this, but if you can wait another week, we can get this over to you by next Friday."

Many potential problems can be prevented by preparing a clear, "ironclad" brief before work begins. This should set out deadlines, budget and specifications for the project.

Make sure that your client agrees to the brief before work begins and update them on your progress regularly to help avoid any nasty surprises.

Step Three: Resolve the Problem

Once you've explained the situation to your customer, try to resolve it by using one of the following strategies:

1. Find a Win-Win Solution

When you understand the customer's problem and he accepts your position, you can start to work together to find a win-win solution. Ask them whether the product really needs all the "bells and whistles" that they originally requested and give them an alternative. Could you perhaps produce a less complex product for the customer earlier, or for a lower cost?

Make sure that any alternatives you do offer are feasible before you suggest them. For instance, if you bring forward a deadline, what impact will it have on your team's workload? How will it affect the budget?

Avoid suggesting a solution that falls short in all three categories of the Iron Triangle (time, budget and quality). You don't want to make an already delicate situation worse. Your customer will likely understand by now that what they want is unrealistic, but they are unlikely to back down on all aspects of their request. Be sure to preserve their dignity at this point!

There are only limited reasons why your employer can refuse your statutory flexible working request. For example, because the business would be adversely affected.

If you make a non-statutory request and your employer refuses, they don’t need to give you a reason. However, your employer is not allowed to discriminate against you when making a decision. You can check if refusing your flexible working request is discrimination.

This page tells you the reasons why your employer might refuse your request and what you can do about it.

Even if you work in a large organisation with good written policies, individual managers can still be dismissive about whether flexible working ‘will work here’. They may lack experience of managing flexibility, have met difficulties with it in the past, or simply feel they have too few resources to make it work. Busy managers may also resist any change that they think might be disruptive or add to their own workload.

This is why it is so important to think in advance about any concerns they may come up with, have positive suggestions for how to overcome them and be able to point to possible benefits of trying a new approach.

Just because your employer may have had a negative one-off experience with flexible working, or lacks confidence or trust in managing people more flexibly, is not a good enough reason to refuse a request. Your employer must treat each application on its merits. If they refuse your statutory request, they must show clear grounds for doing so, based on clear business reasons.

Reasons for refusing a request

Your employer can reject a non-statutory request for any reason. It’s good practice to allow you to discuss it with them. If they don’t, you could raise a grievance if, for example, you don’t think they followed their own procedure correctly.

Your employer can only reject a statutory request for a limited number of reasons. These are:

• planned structural changes
• the burden of additional costs
• quality or standards will suffer
• they won't be able to recruit additional staff
• performance will suffer
• won't be able to reorganise work among existing staff
• will struggle to meet customer demand
• lack of work during the periods you propose to work.

There are examples of each of these in the Acas guidance.

If your employer turns down your request for flexible working, they should give you a good explanation of why they believe the reason applies and why this means that they can’t agree to your request. The reason should not be discriminatory.

Your employer should also set out their appeals procedure. You may find your employer's explanation useful if you wish to appeal against their refusal.

However, remember that while you have a right to make a request and to have it considered fairly, this doesn’t mean you are entitled to get what you want. 

The refusal doesn’t have to be in writing but it is good practice for it to be.

Appealing against the decision

If your employer has refused your statutory request for flexible working, they should allow you to discuss their refusal with them. It may be that you have some new information which wasn’t available when they made their decision in the first place, or that you think they didn’t follow  their own policy when they handled your request.

You should be allowed to take someone with you to this discussion, as you were at the original discussion.

Following the discussion, if your employer agrees with your appeal, they should write to you to confirm the change to your working pattern and when it will start. You will then both need to make the necessary arrangements to put it in place. It is also a good idea to set time aside to review it after you've tried it out for a while.

Even if your employer doesn’t have an appeal process, you could still say why you think they were wrong to refuse your request. You could also raise a grievance. However, you should also bear in mind the time limit for bringing an employment tribunal claim.

If your application is still refused after an appeal 

In some circumstances, you and your employer may not be able to agree a flexible working pattern.

There are a number of different options open to you if you wish to take further action. These include:

• referring your request to Acas /Labour Relations Agency or using alternative dispute resolution
• raising a grievance
• making a claim to an employment tribunal if certain circumstances apply
• making a discrimination claim
• claiming constructive dismissal.

Remember there is a time limit for taking action in an employment tribunal.

More information about employment tribunal claim time limits Starting an employment tribunal claim

Next steps

Flexible working – taking action

Flexible working – discrimination

Dealing with grievances at work

Acas Code of Practice and guidance