How to fix distance in a relationship

Do you feel like your partner is pulling away from you? Do they seem emotionally distant and you can’t tell why? Do they seem less interested in spending time with you than they used to be? You are not alone.

Table of Contents Show

Why Is My Partner Distant?
Causes Of Emotional Distancing
What Are The Signs Of Emotional Unavailability?
What Does Stonewalling Someone Mean?
How Do You Deal With An Emotionally Distant Partner?
Find Peace And Happiness With #1 Relationship Intimacy Coaching
Communication Is The Key
Give It Time
Avoid Negative Thinking
Date Nights
Get Creative
Active Listening
Express Your Love Differently
Get Professional Help

Unfortunately, emotional withdrawal and unavailability are common in relationships. The signs may start to show up slowly and intensify over time if ignored. Building intimacy in a relationship is hard, to begin with, but when the emotional gap becomes too wide, both you and your partner may start to feel isolated, lost, and confused.

Keep reading to learn why people become emotionally distant and what you can do about it.

Why Is My Partner Distant?

Emotional drifting can occur for numerous reasons. While it’s easy to believe that only one side of the relationship is to blame, it’s important to understand that nurturing a healthy bond takes two, and both you and your partner may have contributed to the intimacy issues.

Causes Of Emotional Distancing

Some common reasons why couples experience emotional distancing are:

Your partner needs some time alone. When you’re in a relationship, it can be difficult to find an opportunity to spend some quality time on your own, especially if you have children. If you notice your partner is spending more time on their phone or playing video games, they may be craving some time off.
They are under a great deal of stress. Emotional withdrawal is a common mechanism for coping with stress. Your partner may be experiencing some turmoil in their personal or professional life which may be causing them to pull away from you. Try talking to them about the levels of stress in their life.
They may not feel the same way anymore. If you’ve been together for a while and haven’t really worked on deepening intimacy, it’s possible that your partner has mixed feelings about the relationship. Have a serious conversation about it, but give your partner some time to prepare.
You’ve entered a pursuer-distancer cycle. Your partner may consider you to be too needy and may withdraw because of it, which causes you to feel even more worried and abandoned, and in turn needier. If that’s the case, you can try to pull back for a while and see if anything changes. If you can’t pull back – it may be a sign that you have some attachment challenges that need to be addressed.
You’ve entered a criticism-withdrawal cycle. This relationship dynamic develops when one partner in a relationship becomes highly critical of the other, constantly making them feel inadequate. The criticized partner then withdraws further and creates a deeper gap. If you’ve been harsh with your partner, try to be more gentle and see how it goes.

What Are The Signs Of Emotional Unavailability?

Some individuals are naturally better at expressing their emotions and thoughts outwardly. While you may feel like you wear your heart on your sleeve, your partner may not be as comfortable with showing their feelings. If you feel like your partner is distant, look for these telltale signs of emotional unavailability:

They can’t describe their emotions;
They struggle with showing affection;
They aren’t comfortable talking about your emotional issues;
They don’t give you emotional support;
They become defensive when you bring up issues in your relationship;
They invalidate your feelings;
They are often too busy to spend quality time with you.
The relationship feels one-sided;

The first step towards bridging an emotional gap in your relationship is recognizing that there is a problem. If you are struggling to build a healthy relationship with your partner, consider reaching out to a professional relationship coach. With expert help, you will better understand the root causes of your relationship issues and discover ways to work together with your partner to change your relationship for the better.

What Does Stonewalling Someone Mean?

Does your partner avoid any sort of discussion or cooperation when it comes to resolving emotional issues? They may be resorting to a defense-mechanism called stonewalling. A person who stonewalls will withdraw when you bring up a problem, dismissing your words and invalidating your feelings. They may say something like “you’re being unreasonable” or “you’re blowing things way out of proportion”, etc.

You may encounter stonewalling whether you’re trying to address a concern in private or with a relationship coach. If your partner relies on deflection to render any discussion irrelevant or insignificant, it can be difficult to come at any kind of solution which can make you feel frustrated, unheard, and confused.

How Do You Deal With An Emotionally Distant Partner?

If you’re struggling to maintain a healthy relationship based on trust and emotional support because it is difficult for one or both of you to open up and work out the issues, don’t feel lost. Many individuals drift apart over time, but that doesn’t mean that things can’t change. Sometimes, a shift in the way you talk to your partner may make a world of difference. Try the following tips:

Accept differences
Your partner may simply be more private than you by nature. That doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you, but only that your communication styles are different.
Don’t demand connection
It’s unlikely that you’ll get your partner to change their ways if you constantly try and force them to open up. Instead, try to take their need for privacy less personally and let them communicate at their own pace.
Give them some space
Similarly, your partner may be more willing to share their thoughts with you if they don’t feel suffocated in the relationship. Try to pull away for a bit and see if anything changes.
Try not to criticize
If you make your partner feel inadequate by constantly pointing out their flaws and mistakes, they will only withdraw further. Approach your discussions calmly, without resentment and bitterness, and be open to your partner’s feedback.
Focus on your own goals
Your relationship doesn’t always have to be the focus of your attention. You have your own life to live and goals to reach. If you spend more time working on yourself instead of trying to fix your relationship, both you and your partner will start to feel more at ease.

Find Peace And Happiness With #1 Relationship Intimacy Coaching

Feeling unheard and invalidated in your relationship can cause you a great deal of stress and anxiety. The good news is, you can find joy in your relationship, no matter how alone you may feel. With help from our PIVOT coaches, you can reach emotional balance and nurture a healthy and lasting relationship with your partner.

At PIVOT, we provide expert assistance to individuals and couples via carefully devised workshops and relationship-building retreats. We are here to help you find fulfillment and happiness in your relationships. Give us a call!

Emotional distance in a relationship can make two people drift apart even when they are living together. Many couples who live under the same roof feel that they are not connected emotionally the way they once were. There can be many reasons for this emotional distance and fixing this problem depends on what this reason is. It is really important for couples to work on fixing this problem because otherwise, they will feel lonely and unhappy even when they have a partner who loves them. This feeling might be present on both sides or sometimes one of the partners might feel that the emotional connection between them is no longer as strong as before. This is a difficult period for both the partners but staying strong and not giving up is the key to a lasting relationship.

If you and your partner are drifting apart emotionally then here are some ways you can fix the problem.

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Communication Is The Key

If you feel that your partner is no longer emotionally available, talk to them instantly. Most of the time people ignore this feeling until it is replaced by resentment because they feel that their partner is ignoring them. At other times, people are unsure; they feel that perhaps they are being overly sensitive. Do not keep on questioning how you are feeling but recognize the problem and talk about it. You never know your partner might be feeling the same way but is holding back. Sometimes healthy communication is the first step towards resolving problems.

After you have a conversation with your partner, make a list of the possible reasons for this emotional distance. It could be that your partner is under stress, is too busy or he/she is simply in need of alone time. Sometimes people need some space and want to be alone. If your partner wants to be alone for some time, respect their decision, and don’t feel bad about them wanting some space.

Most of the time in such situations people think a little more than is necessary. Once you have figured out what the possible reasons can be for the emotional distance start acting on a plan to bridge this distance. You know your partner better than anyone else, instead of worrying about your relationship do what needs to be done. This will keep you motivated and busy. If your partner needs alone time then you should also plan something which will keep you busy.

Give It Time

Many couples who have been together for a long experience of emotional distancing. The majority of the couples manage to bridge the emotional distance with time. Don’t expect a quick fix, sometimes time can change things dramatically in a good way. Many couples say that such emotional distancing is most often just a passing phase in a relationship. You should know that this is the situation is only temporary.

Avoid Negative Thinking

When there is an emotional distance in a relationship, it is really common for the partners to think negative thoughts. Thoughts such as, “he doesn’t love me anymore”, “he might be interested in someone else”, “she does not find me attractive” are common in couples who are facing this issue. Whenever such thoughts come to your mind, think of all the reasons why you might think your partner still loves you.

Date Nights

Date nights once a week are a great way to bridge the emotional gap in a relationship. If you feel that your partner or you are too busy during the week then take the time out for a date night when you are available for each other emotionally. It is even better if the conversation revolves around how you feel during the week instead of what you have been doing.

Get Creative

Sometimes small gestures and surprises which might not even require a lot of effort make the other person feel special. Getting creative to get close to a distant partner can go a long way. Even if your partner is not making an effort, try doing so yourself.

Active Listening

Sometimes people become emotionally distant because they want to be heard but are not willing to listen. Is your partner not sharing things with you because you were never an active listener? If that is the case then listen to whatever they have to share with interest even if you don’t find it interesting enough.

Express Your Love Differently

Your partner might want you to express your love for them differently. While your idea of a great evening might be a candlelight dinner, it could mean something entirely different for your partner. Find out how your partner would like you to express your love for him/her and do whatever appeals to them the most. It can be something that doesn’t appeal to you but could work wonders for your relationship.

Get Professional Help

Even after trying to reach to your partner and doing everything suggested in this post, you feel that your partner is still emotionally distant, seek professional help. A good counselor or therapist can help you two figure out the reasons for the distance and also give you great tips to bridge it. Sometimes we overlook things that only a professional would notice after a session. Getting such help is always a step in the right direction and it can save your relationship.

Don’t give up on your relationship because relationships require conscious effort. You are not the only one going through this phase and if your relationship is strong, you will get through it.