How long did your exs rebound last Reddit

I've been seeing a lot of posts asking about your ex's rebounds and I just wanted to say:

I know it hurts watching someone you love with someone else, but remember that it doesn't mean what you had wasn't real or that they are not suffering from your breakup.

Rebounds are their way to deal with the breakup and try to survive it. They're not necessarily the healthiest way but they're just humans trying to move on. It's actually an indicator that they too suffered with the breakup.

(even if they're idiots)

I met him just over a year ago, he was WEEKS out of a three year relationship with the 'love of his life'. They had ultimately broke up 6 months prior, but were unable to properly let go until weeks before I met him. They didn't work due to her having a busy schedule with work, University and other commitments. She made no time for him and broke his heart by leaving him.

When we met we were just kind of dating and having fun for about 2 months, my feelings started getting pretty strong for him so I had to call it off. He liked me, but was no where near ready to commit to me. He still hung out with her and was in a deep depression from the break up. We decided to just be friends. She ended up moving on with someone else and seemed happy. He felt like she 'fucked' him over because she suddenly had all the time in the world for this new guy.

Fast forward a couple of months and we end up dating again. He seems over her and in a better place. Things are going great between us and I can feel our connection growing. He has fucked up a few times when it comes to commitment issues (nothing major), each time he has explained because he is scared that I will hurt him and fuck him over like she done to him.

It has been a year since we became exclusive. I helped him gut out his flat the other day and I found MANY of her things. Love notes, ornaments she made for him, cards with love messages in them, her clothes, hair clips etc. he chucked them all out with ease but it bummed me out a little that he had all of this in his flat for so long. We also had a long chat about our relationship, he still sounded a bit resentful of how their relationship ended. He said he couldn't care less about her and that he's happy she has a good life now, but he is still hurting over what happened. He said he still isn't ready to say the 'L' word to me (even though he has said it twice whilst steaming drunk) and is scared that he will never ever be open n comfortable with me without fear of me hurting him.

He is very attentive, loving, introduced me to all of his friends & we make regular visits to see his family together, long term commitments and plans together, is very affectionate behind closed doors as well as in public for the whole world to see - basically he acts like someone who is in love with me. His actions really add up to his.

Is this a rebound relationship? I have been in one before, and my ex still spoke about her, met up with her, kept all of her things, wanted me to be friends with her, rushed the relationship etc. but my current SO hasn't acted like this. Can this ever work?

tl;dr: Been in a relationship for a year, not sure if it's a rebound and I'm going to get fucked over.

My ex is in a rebound relationship & I can tell they're really into each other and probably had a really good xmas and new years with each other.

Since they rushed it so much, i can't wait for the honeymoon bit to die down and their relationship to break down. They met on tinder literally a few weeks after we broke up and she met his family a month and a bit after our breakup.

I know i shouldn't care but it will be so satisfying when it fucks up, since I've been the only one hurting from the breakup. I hate how he has just ran away from his pain and tried to pretend the rela never happened whereas I've been suffering in the mean time. I cant wait to get over this in the long term and him to have to finally deal with the pain later down the line

People always say it's a bad idea to have a rebound relationship. I'm not sure I believe that. I intend to treat this person respectfully and get to know them for who they are. I might still feel sad about the break up, but it was foreseeable and we have been distancing ourselves from each other over the last month or so. I don't intend on using or abusing this new person in any way and I only want what's best for them

I'm just curious if there are people in here who have had successful relationships that started not soon after another relationship ended.

TL;DR: Respectful rebound yay or nay?

In a weird twisted way, your ex getting into a rebound shows how much of an impact you had in their life that they would do ANYTHING to try and get rid of the pain and fill the void of not having you in their life. It will catch up to them for their decisions and at some point they will recognize how shallow that relationship is and what they are doing. But YOU were such a huge impact in their life, they couldn’t live life with the pain without you. Level up and focus on improving yourself. We are the strong ones fixing our flaws and not dragging people through our confusion and mess. Stay strong.

•It’s not all about you.

People often think that when their ex quickly jumps into another relationship, then it must have been because they weren’t attractive enough or somehow didn’t meet their exes needs and wants.

Although those are common reasons why people decide to cheat and to break up, it‘s rarely the reason why an ex may do a rebound.

Because rebound relationships are about avoiding personal responsibility, about escaping loneliness and ones own pain and about not having to do the inner work after the end of a long-term relationship.

Most people do them simply because they have wrongfully been taught that another relationship fixes it all (it wont. In fact, a new relationship will bring new problems and new challenges), that 'if you want to get over someone, get under another one'.

More often than not, it’s a self-destructive and also toxic way to handle a breakup because in doing such a relationship, they essentially expect another person to take care of something only they are responsible for. And that happens at the expense of the others self-esteem, mental health, and ability to trust.

After all, the foundation of most rebound relationships is built upon the premise of 'I hope that this relationship fixes my pain and helps me to get over my ex'. Basically with the intention to use someone else as an emotional tampon. Only that they disguise this intention as 'filling a void'.

The problem with this is that the foundation is fragile and built upon lies and deceptions since they will be carrying all their emotional baggage into that relationship where it often manifests in some nasty ways such as constant psychological projection, blameshifting, or cognitive dissonance.

•Rebound relationships rarely last long.

If a rebound relationship is done out of the expectation that the new partner makes up for the shortcomings of the ex, it is bound to fail miserably after a short time because a relationship in which one is still in love with an ex, isn’t able to fully open up, to be vulnerable, and to be open to new love isn’t even authentic nor a relationship.

It is a facade.

A game of taking advantage of someone elses kindness and of exploiting someones lack of boundaries or lack of self-respect and experience.

They can turn into amazing and healthy relationships when the one who just got out of a relationship actively does the inner work and is committed to take responsibility for and improve themselves. When they don’t expect the new partner to fix it for them and don’t hold them accountable for stuff they aren’t responsible for such as not having recovered from the breakup yet.

•Don’t try to fix, change, or save your ex.

Because you can’t fix or change anyone but yourself and your ex doesn’t want to be saved. Generally, people only change when they want to, make the decision to, or when life and circumstances force them to.

So unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to prevent your ex from pushing the self-destruct button. If you love them and wish they live a good life, pray that they will have the maturity and openness to improve themselves and to see their own flaws. That’s all you can do.

•Focus on yourself.

And don‘t bother trying to get them back or to change their mind about you. You would only frustrate yourself.

Keep in mind that chasing is a shit strategy that does not work and that someone who can’t take responsibility for themselves is someone who also can’t have healthy relationships and that they need some growth first.

Also block their social media and be consistent with the no contact especially if your ex is toxic, when they post a lot of pictures with their new partner as a way to get a reaction out of you or to make you feel bad about yourself.

Not out of bitterness, but as a way to protect yourself from energy-vampires, to make the letting go and building your value easier for yourself.

Because you gain nothing of value by comparing yourself to them and their new relationship or by cyberstalking them and hoping they eventually come back one day.

Here’s what focusing on yourself entails:

Bonus value nugget:

You know you have fully let go when you can’t remember how the loss felt without having to do conscious efforts to memorize the feelings, when you no longer ask yourself or wonder about if you have let go, and when your ex has no power over you and what you do anymore. There will be sincere indifference towards them.

•••

If you want to learn more about inner child healing or to get over your ex for good, send me a message.