Why she doesnt want me

If you feel like your relationship may be on the rocks, look for certain warning signs to see how she feels about you. What women say, how they act, and when they see you all can give insights to their feelings. Take note of the small things and step back to observe the whole picture and you’ll get a reading on your relationship that will show red flags or a green light.

1. 1

   Observe her body position when she is with you. A closed body position is one where her body is pointing away from you, her arms are crossed, or she is hunched over to take up less space.[1] X Research source Go to source

   • Closing her body position sends signals that she is uncomfortable or nervous about something. If she is doing this consistently in a relationship, it may be a sign she's not that into you.
   • If your girlfriend used to stand close to you with her arms down or on her hips, but now she turns away and crosses her arms when you talk, she is telling you that she isn’t interested in talking anymore.
   • If she conveys closed body language every time you are together, it is probably time to rethink your relationship because she might be wanting to end it.

2. 2

   Study her eye contact. Eye contact is an important factor in body language and can convey a person’s emotions.[2] X Research source Go to source

   • If your girlfriend keeps her eyes locked onto yours while you talk then no problem, but if you find her avoiding eye contact, something may be wrong.
   • If she darts her eyes around, looking at many different things while you talk to her, it might also be a sign that she isn’t enjoying the conversation or being with you.

3. 3

   Notice how much she touches you. Physical touch is one way that girls use to flirt with and show interest in a guy. Things like putting her hand on your chest, holding your hand, or brushing her fingers through your hair all show that she is interested in you.[3] X Research source Go to source

   • If your relationship started with a lot of physical touch from you, but now she hardly gives any at all, it could be time to talk to her about where the relationship is going.
   • A change in the amount of public displays of affection, like holding hands, can also be a warning sign.
   • When a girl isn’t interested in a guy anymore, she might stop touching him all together and go out of her way to avoid any sort of physical touch.

1. 1

   Keep track of how often she cancels plans or is too busy to go out.[4] X Expert Source

   
   Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
   Licensed Relationship Therapist Expert Interview. 11 August 2021. Go to source Cancelling plans is a red flag that something may be wrong. While circumstances often occur with valid reasons to miss a date, if it happens more than 50% of dates, you’re in the danger zone.[5] X Research source Go to source
   • When a girl starts to repetitively cancel plans or is always busy, she is sending a clear message.
   • A girl that is interested in you will make herself available and want to spend time with you, so if you find your girlfriend constantly ditching plans, take it as a sign.
   • If you see a pattern of canceled dates or if she constantly has other plans it is time to sit her down for a heart to heart.

2. 2

   Notice the type of dates she wants to have. If she is always inviting friends to meet up with on your dates or suggesting group or double dates, this could be a sign that she doesn’t like being alone with you anymore.

3. 3

   Pay attention to how she behaves with you in social gatherings like a party.[6] X Expert Source

   
   Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
   Licensed Relationship Therapist Expert Interview. 11 August 2021. Go to source If she is constantly leaving in one room to go talk to another group of people this might be a sign that she doesn’t enjoy spending time with you anymore. Likewise, going to parties and social gatherings without inviting you is also a sign that something might be wrong with your relationship.[7] X Research source Go to source

1. 1

   Take notice how often she calls or texts. Girls like to talk, so if your girlfriend is calling or texting a lot less than she did in the beginning of the relationship then consider it a warning. If you are constantly the one making the calls or sending the texts first, it might mean she is beginning to lose interest in you.[8] X Research source Go to source

2. 2

   Pay attention to how she talks to other guys.[9] X Expert Source

   
   Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
   Licensed Relationship Therapist Expert Interview. 11 August 2021. Go to source If your girlfriend is checking out or flirting with other guys in front of you, she is probably looking to get out of the relationship.

3. 3

   Listen to what she says about other guys. If she talks about other guys more than she mentions other girls, or if she consistently compares you to other guys, it might be a sign that she's ready to end things. She could be friendly to everyone, but if it comes on suddenly, there are many examples of comments that should raise a flag:[10] X Research source Go to source

   • "That guy in my math class is so smart! I bet he would be a good tutor for me!" or
   • "I met this guy at the gym yesterday and he was lifting 150 pounds! He could’ve lifted me!"
   • "The new guy is kinda cute; I wonder where he’s from."

4. 4

   See if she gets jealous. Girls will naturally get a little jealous if you flirt with or check out another girl in front of her. She may also get mad, and this could easily lead to unnecessary confrontation, or push her away.[11] X Research source Go to source

   • If your girlfriend doesn’t care that you are flirting with the waitress on your date then you might want to reconsider your relationship.
   • Try flirting with or being overly friendly to other girls on a date to see how your girlfriend reacts.

5. 5

   Notice what kind of fights you have with her. Fights are bound to happen in all relationships, but if they start occurring more frequently, there might be a problem.[12] X Research source Go to source

   • If arguments over little things start to become big blow-outs every time, you should take some time to evaluate your relationship. She may be starting to lose interest in you romantically.

1. 1

   Ask her how she feels about your relationship. The best way to have a good relationship is to be honest. Ask her openly how she feels, and be willing to work through any problems if you want to stay together.[13] X Research source Go to source

2. 2

   Listen actively when she is talking. Give her your full attention, and participate in the conversation.

   • Rephrase what she says and repeat it back to show you understand "Just to be sure I understand, you're saying...."
   • Allow her to speak without interrupting or arguing.
   • Ask questions to clarify and elaborate on what she is saying.

3. 3

   Make changes based on the conversation. Through honest communication you can discover the root of a problem if one exists. Once she's shared her feelings you'll be able to determine how to move forward in your relationship.

   • There may be nothing wrong and you're overthinking things.
   • If she is ready for things to end, bringing up the problems may make it easier to handle.
   • If she's upset and you want things to work, you'll know what you need to change to keep her happy.
   • If she is always sad, she may not want to be with you any more. Be sure to ask her though as she might have something else in her lif that is going on.

• Is she interested or just being nice?

  

  Look at the way she treats you over a long period of time. She probably isn't interested in you if she doesn't pay attention to you or make time for you.

• What if she doesn't text you a lot?

  If she has always been this way, then it's just who she is, someone who doesn't text much. If she used to text you more and has stopped recently, ask her what's up, as you miss her texts. She might have a good reason but if not, you will need to think about any other indicators that she might be losing interest.

Co-authored by:

Licensed Relationship Therapist

This article was co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT. Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post. This article has been viewed 1,546,102 times.

Co-authors: 30

Updated: April 26, 2022

Views: 1,546,102

Article Rating: 82% - 11 votes

Categories: Relationship Issues

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