Splitting is a term used in psychiatry to describe the inability to hold opposing thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. Some might say that a person who splits sees the world in terms of black or white—all or nothing. It's a distorted way of thinking in which the positive or negative attributes of a person or event are neither weighed nor cohesive. Splitting is considered a defense mechanism by which people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can view people, events, or even themselves in all-or-nothing terms. Splitting allows them to readily discard things they have assigned as "bad" and to embrace things they consider "good," even if those things are harmful or risky.
This video has been medically reviewed by David Susman, PhD. Splitting can interfere with relationships and lead to intense and self-destructive behaviors. A person who splits will typically frame people or events in terms that are absolute, with no middle ground for discussion. Examples of splitting behavior may include:
What makes splitting all the more confusing is that the belief can sometimes be iron-clad or shift back and forth from one moment to the next. People who split are often seen to be overly dramatic or overwrought, especially when declaring that things have either "completely fallen apart" or "completely turned around." Such behavior can be exhausting to those around them. By itself, splitting may seem almost commonplace, a behavior easily attributed to any number of individuals we know and maybe even ourselves. However, splitting in BPD is considered a consistent and distorted behavior usually accompanied by other symptoms, such as:
Understanding the process of diagnosis and the careful management of borderline personality disorder can be helpful in understanding behaviors like splitting that are associated with the condition. A BPD diagnosis can only be made by a qualified mental health specialist. To make the diagnosis, the doctor would need to confirm five of nine symptoms outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), including:
There is no easy answer on how to deal with a loved one who has BPD, especially when symptoms are extreme. How you cope depends largely on the nature of your relationship and the impact your loved one's symptoms are having on your family. However, there are some guiding principles that may help, including:
There may be times where you will need to take more drastic action. In the event that the relationship is harming your family, your work, and your sense of well-being, you may be faced with the reality that the relationship cannot continue. While this is an incredibly painful choice for everyone involved, it can also be the healthiest one in some cases. If needed, this decision should be made with the help of a qualified mental health professional.
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