When a guy french kisses you on the first date

You're heading out on a first date: Will the night end with a kiss or not? It's likely all you're thinking about in the hours leading up to said get-together. But don't let it overwhelm you.

If you're having a great first date with someone, the conversation is flowing, and you can feel the sparks flying between you both, you may be wondering if you should kiss this person at the end of the date. On the one hand, it's clear that you enjoyed your time with this person and had some laughs, but on the other hand, is it too much too soon?

It's not surprising that there is a vast array of differing opinions as to whether or not you should kiss on a first date. When it comes to your dating life, it's important to understand the different views in order to determine what works best for you.

Read on for some pointers on how to follow your gut when it comes to kissing on the first date and what might be right for you.

If you're on the fence, consider this: One of the benefits of kissing on a first date is that it can actually help you determine if there's even chemistry between you and your date. While you may have hit it off and have a lot in common, kissing on a first date enables you to see if you have any romantic rather than platonic potential. If the kiss is as terrific as the date was, this can be a great indicator that you have matching styles. If the kiss turns out to be bad, consider it an early indicator that you may not have compatible sexual styles, which could become more of an issue down the road.

In an article on Psychology Today, Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. states that a first kiss is "positively [ornamental] behavior in and of itself and is linked to relationship satisfaction and commitment in adolescence and adulthood," adding, "If kissing is part of the search for self-definition that occurs in adolescence, as the authors propose, that first kiss could help you gain some clarity into your own goals and values."

That said, give it a chance. Just because the first kiss might not have you seeing stars doesn't mean that you should drop your potential suitor like a hot potato. It just might help aid in your decision, that's all.

Another reason why people like to kiss on a first date is that kissing is—let's face it—fun. When you've had an enjoyable, engaging, and thrilling first date with someone, sealing the evening with a terrific French kiss can be a way to add an exclamation point on the great time that you had with one another. And, in some cases, kissing on a first date can leave you both excited about getting to see each other and kiss each other again in the future. Sheril Kirshenbaum, author of The Science of Kissing explains, "The more anticipation you feel leading up to a kiss, the greater the dopamine spike." Besides, if you're both vibing, don't get bogged down with what you think you should or should not be doing. Follow your instincts!

Those who are opposed to kissing on a first date are often believers in the "less is more" mentality. While you clearly had a nice time with this person, there's something about leaving him or her wanting more that can work in your favor. By withholding a kiss on a first date, your date may leave wondering what it's like to kiss you and be even more motivated and inclined to ask you out on a second date. Playing hard to get can start on the very first date when you decide to save your kisses for another time.

If you're wondering if you should kiss on a first date, the harsh truth is that it doesn't signify that you'll have another date with this person. There are plenty of daters who end up kissing at the end of a great first date, but then never hear from or see this person ever again. In some instances, kissing on a first date can simply mean that you're kissing this person goodbye for good, as many people who are serial daters or are only interested in hooking up may go in for the kiss now only to ghost you later.

When it comes to kissing on a first date, it's important to remember that it's totally your decision. As no two first dates are alike, it's up to you to decide whether you'd like to kiss this person or not. And in most cases, this simply happens in the moment. There are many factors that can play a role in this decision, and sometimes the location of the first date, the time of day, or even the weather can be the reason to kiss or not to kiss at the end of the date.

The key is to trust your gut and go with what your instincts tell you, as having a blanket response to always or never kissing on a first date isn't entirely realistic. You have to trust yourself, and the more first dates that you go on, the more dating apps you join, and the more you put yourself out there, the better you'll be able to recognize firsthand if you should or shouldn't kiss someone.

Long story short -- about 8 months ago, I ended a seven year relationship -- suffice it to say, I haven't been in the dating game for awhile.

This past weekend, I went on one casual drink date and one dinner date with two different guys. I liked them both a lot. At the end of both dates, we kissed. The casual date was a peck with a little bit of tongue (it was the first date I'd been on in eight years so I was not expecting tongue it at all) but I went with it, no problem.

The second date (the dinner date) I had a very strong connection with the guy. The date flew by. After the date, he walked me to my car and I kissed him and he went into full on makeout mode -- I mean the kisses were soft and tender but there was definitely tongue. I actually really enjoyed it. He was a fantastic kisser and I felt a really strong connection to him.

But is this normal? Is tongue kissing the new thing after first dates? With both guys, we had been texting for about a week before the dates and had talked on the phone a few times. I felt a strong connection to both of them. Can I chalk it up to the connection, am I putting off a certain vibe, or is this the new normal?

"You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss..."

But is it really? And, more importantly, what about a kiss on the first date?

Should you kiss on the first date?

Deciding whether or not to kiss someone on a first date is a deeply personal question. If you can't wait to lock lips with this person and they seem to feel the same, by all means, go for it! But ending a first date without a kiss doesn't mean there won't be many more dates — and maybe even a promising relationship — with this person in the future.

"When kissing on the first date, make sure you feel aligned. If you feel the attraction and you feel the desire to kiss, lean in a little and see if your date leans in with you," suggests law of attraction expert Christy Whitman.

While 53% of first dates end with a kiss, when you should share a first kiss with someone is really up to you and the other person. You don't even need to count the number of dates, just do it when it feels right!

RELATED: 5 Best Expert Kissing Techniques To Help You Kiss Way Better

What does a kiss on the first date mean?

There are many different things someone might be thinking when they choose to kiss you on a first date. Was he just being polite? Was he dreaming of laying one on you all night long?

And as you probably already know, a kiss can have many different types of meanings. There's no way to know more specifically without asking him, but let's be real, interrogating a guy about the reason he decided to kiss you on the first date falls squarely into the category of "not a super great idea if you're hoping he'll ask you out again."

One thing is for sure: a kiss on the first date doesn't mean either of you have consented to taking things any further than that. Let's just get that straight right off the bat.

There are a few ways to tell, however, that your date wants to kiss you.

"What is the rule for kissing on the first date? It is a bit complicated. First, you will need to notice the facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and words expressed to help you know if and when to kiss. You will intuitively know when the time has come. If you still do not know the answer, don’t be afraid to ask," says life coach Roland Legge.

To find out more, I asked a group of guys (anonymously) what men think about the subject. They revealed what they're thinking when they lean in, what they're hoping for, and all of the different reasons they might decide to get that lip lock... or not.

Here are 15 reasons men think you should or shouldn't kiss on the first date, and what it means if you do.

1. Kissing on the first date lets a guy know he should ask you out again.

"If there's no kiss on the first date, I'm left wondering and usually don't pursue much further."

2. A kiss helps determine if there's chemistry between you.

"If there seems to be chemistry between us, I try to go for it. Otherwise, what's the point of dating?"

3. Kissing is a great way to test the waters with you.

"I try just out of curiosity, sometimes even when I've already made up my mind that I'm not that into it."

4. Kissing is a natural next step in the progression from dating to being in a relationship.

"Not kissing after an hour-long coffee date makes sense. After a couple of hour-long dates that involve dinner (bowling, going to a Ferris wheel, ice skating, a walk through a public park, mini golf, other things), followed up by drinks or coffee somewhere, however?

Usually, by then it's been about 3 to 4 hours of us talking and spending time together. That's generally enough time to decide whether or not there's going to be a second and third date. I won't even go for one unless there's been a 'yes' to a second date.

All of that also depends on how long and how much we've talked for leading up to the first date, but that's usually a decent amount, as I won't even ask for a first date until we've talked more than an initial greeting."

5. Sometimes, a hug can be just as good as a kiss when ending a first date.

"If it's particularly longer than expected on a first date, and she seems into it, yeah, I'll go for it. Otherwise, we'll hug it out and I'll offer to go out again."

6. When you are already friends, kissing can be a way of confirming that you're taking things to the next level.

"I've kissed on the first date because I already had a friendship with the person beforehand and we had good communication. It was a long, passionate smooch that turned into a long session of necking on a sidewalk on the Lower East Side with people and cars going by at 3:00 AM. She is now my wife."

7. Kissing is simply romantic.

"When a date is going well, there’s really no better way to end it than with a romantic kiss. Nobody likes awkward goodbyes or weird hugs."

8. Even if you do kiss, that doesn't mean things will go any farther.

"I wouldn't read too much into it. It's too early to be planning the wedding, or naming your children."

9. A kiss might mean a guy is ready for more, but that doesn't mean you have to be there yet.

"It means I'd be happy to sleep with her, but I'll settle for what I can get."

10. Kissing can be a way to express what you're feeling.

"Usually it means that I've been caught up in the moment and I want to communicate that clearly."

11. In general, a kiss at the end of the first date is usually a sign of enthusiasm.

"If I'm kissing someone on a first date it means one of two things: that I want to see her again, or that I really, really want to see her again."

12. But sometimes, kissing doesn't mean anything at all to at least one person involved.

"Sometimes I just give a peck on the lips at the door because I feel like I have to, but I wouldn't look at it as being the be-all and end-all."

13. Kissing can be a good way of testing the physical chemistry between you.

"For me, a kiss on the first date is like testing the waters. Is she into it? Do we even have chemistry? Do we both like the way the other person kisses?"

14. Keep in mind that some people don't enjoy kissing for kissing's sake.

"I'm weird about kissing. I'm not a huge fan, but I know girls are. If I'm kissing on a first date, it's because I'm hoping it will get me in the front door."

15. The way someone kisses you on the first date can tell you as much as whether or not they do.

"It depends on the kind of kiss. Sometimes a kiss can be practically G-rated, but other times I really lay it on because I want her to know that she made an impression."

RELATED: 15 Crazy Facts About Kissing We Bet You Didn't Know

Is it bad if you don't kiss on the first date?

Let's be perfectly clear: you should only ever kiss someone when, and if, you both want to. If you're not ready on the first date, that isn't bad or wrong — it's how you feel, especially if you met online and are just getting to know each other for the first time.

Remember that just because someone lectures you about why you shouldn't kiss on the first date, that doesn't mean they're a relationship expert. If you're attracted to the person and are ready to start locking lips — go for it!

But if you want to follow the 3-date rule — which states no sex until the third date, follow it — and your heart. That doesn't mean you can't still kiss on the second date, third date, or even the fourth date; it's just a different level of intimacy and affection.

You can also try to shake things up physically without smooching, like putting your hand on your date's knee while making direct eye contact. But you didn't need to have leaned in for a kiss to make that last first date a good time.

Kissing on the first date means whatever you want it to for yourself — and for the person you're trying to kiss, of course.

If they lean in and you like them but don't want to kiss them yet, let them know you had a great time and would love to see them again, but that you prefer taking things more slowly. If they really like you, too, they should be thrilled to know you're vibing and want to go out again.

If they push back or give you a hard time, that could be an important warning sign that this is someone who may not be great about respecting boundaries.

Better to know that upfront.

RELATED: 21 Things The Most Attractive Women Do On The First Date (According To Men)

Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman.