Once you have a baby and start getting to know other families, you quickly learn one thing: Every parent and kid is unique — and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to raising children.
Still, while no two families are exactly alike, experts have identified some common parenting “styles.” These parenting approaches are generally based on the amount of support parents provide and the amount of control they try to exert. And most have their pros and cons — though some are generally considered to be more beneficial for kids than others.
So what are the different parenting styles, and how do they affect kids? Here’s a basic overview, plus clues on which camp you might fall into.
Types of parenting styles
What it is: This is a strict approach to parenting. Parents set high expectations and firm rules but may not offer their kids much support or ask for their input. The goal of authoritarian parenting is usually obedience — and may include strict punishment when rules aren’t followed.
What it looks like: Authoritarian parents might not be able to set strict rules for a baby, but they tend to create highly rigid feeding and sleeping schedules.
How it might affect kids: Teaching kids to have respect for rules can be a good thing. And some experts say that due to the strictness of this parenting style, children of authoritarian parents tend to think about their actions before they do something, so they are less likely to make impulsive choices. Children of authoritarian parents tend to be high achieving academically and disciplined, independent and self motivated. But research shows that an overly rigid approach can also put pressure on children to be perfect and might make them prone to internalizing behaviors like feeling withdrawn, lonely or afraid.
What it is: Authoritative parents aim to strike a balance between being firm but also warm and supportive. Instead of forcing children to follow rules just because, authoritative parents will discuss rules and expectations as a family. But they’re still clear on who’s in charge and will hold kids accountable when they don’t do what’s expected. When discipline is used, it's usually in the form of coaching or guiding natural and logical consequences.
What it looks like: Authoritative parents of babies might create feeding and sleeping schedules, but they’ll make adjustments as needed based on what seems to work best for their little one. As a child moves into toddlerhood, authoritative parents will have non-negotiable rules about health and safety (like no biting or throwing toys) and enforce them in a way that’s logical and respectful. That might mean taking a toy away if your child throws it at you or telling your child goodnight when it’s bedtime instead of reading another story.
How it might affect kids: Authoritative parenting is widely considered to be a healthy approach for kids. Children of authoritative parents tend to be friendly, cheerful and cooperative, as well as curious, self-reliant and goal-oriented, research shows.
Attachment parenting
What it is: Attachment parenting stems from attachment theory, or the belief that infants come hardwired with the need to be nurtured and stay physically close to their primary caregiver for the first few years of life. Some experts see attachment parenting as a specific subset of authoritative parenting, but one that places extra emphasis on affection and physical touch.
What it looks like: Attachment parenting most often applies during the baby and toddler years, when a child has a higher need to remain physically close to their primary caregiver. It tends to involve minimizing separation from your little one.
How it might affect kids: Like authoritative parenting, attachment parenting has been shown to help children cope with adversity and stress, so they have more of the tools they need to deal with life’s challenges. The approach can be challenging for parents though, since there is a risk of adults not taking stock of their own needs because so much energy is continuously devoted to tending to their children. Some children of attachment parents may also have difficulty independently transitioning to settings where their parents are not present, such as the first day of preschool, as they rely on their parents for a lot of emotional reassurance.
Permissive parenting
What it is: Permissive parents are warm and nurturing, but tend to be lax (or inconsistent) in the rules and discipline department. They usually act more like a friend than a role model, so kids tend to have a lot of freedom and aren’t always monitored closely. Children of permissive parents don’t tend to have many responsibilities or chores, and their days usually aren’t very structured.
What it looks like: Being permissive with a baby might mean not setting feeding or sleep schedules. Once kids reach the toddler or preschooler stage, they may be allowed to snack whenever they want instead of at specified times, not be asked to clean up their toys when they’re done playing with them or go to bed when they feel like it instead of at a set bedtime.
How it might affect kids: Children of permissive parents tend to be free thinkers who aren’t afraid to speak their minds. That might mean more creativity, for example. But being raised in a household without many limits can have some downsides, as being told "no" at home is a way for children to adapt to the reality that boundaries exist in every part of their outside worlds.
Free-range parenting
What it is: In some ways, free-range parenting is similar to permissive parenting. Both approaches are fluid and have very few guidelines. The difference? Instead of letting kids run amok just because, free-range parents value teaching kids to become more independent. In short, it’s allowing your kid to do what you feel she’s capable of — not letting her do whatever she wants.
What it looks like: Free-range parenting might seem like it only works for older kids, but the concept can be applied to children of any age. It might mean letting babies and toddlers explore new environments without interrupting or helping them (as long as they’re safe, of course). A free-range parent might let their school-age child play out in the backyard mostly unsupervised.
How it might affect kids: Findings suggest that letting children be more independent can foster a sense of resilience, where they’re better able to handle challenges and setbacks. Free-range parenting also seems to encourage creativity and strong problem-solving skills. The main downside? Not everyone has the same definition of “free-range.” You might have no problem with letting your 8-year-old walk to school unsupervised, but others might see it as dangerous of even neglectful. Depending on where you live, there might even be laws against letting kids below a certain age do certain things by themselves.
Uninvolved parenting
What it is: Uninvolved parents aren’t able to meet their kids’ emotional or physical needs, and provide little supervision.
What it looks like: Uninvolved parenting can take a lot of different forms — but most of us would know it when we see it. With an infant it can mean not meeting their basic needs of food and sleep and shelter, and with a toddler it could mean not looking out for safety hazards, not filtering what they say around the child, not screening shows the child is exposed to and not vetting the individuals they allow around the child or to care for the child.
How it might affect kids: Almost every expert agrees that uninvolved parenting sets children up for serious problems. Research shows that kids of uninvolved parents tend to have low self-esteem, and they can have a hard time forming healthy, trusting relationships with others.
Of course, every family is different, and there are countless different ways to be a parent. Not all parents fit into just one parenting style, either; many might be a combination of two or even three of the approaches above.
What’s more, most parenting styles offer some valuable benefits. Figuring out what works for you and your child means taking both of your personalities and needs into account — and considering the values you want to emphasize. As long as your little one is safe and getting the support she needs to thrive, there’s no right or wrong way to parent.
One of the interesting things about being a parent is that there is great variation in how we raise our children. At the same time, there are many commonalities from one parent to another. In fact, there is enough similarity that researchers like Dr. Diana Baumrind have tried to group parents into four common parenting styles.
The Baumrind parenting styles are United States-centric and it is not clear how well these styles describe parents cross-culturally. Each parenting style varies in at least four areas: discipline style, communication, nurturance, and expectations.
Baumrind Parenting Styles: Four Types of Parenting
Authoritarian Parenting
Authoritarian parents are often thought of as disciplinarians.
- They use a strict discipline style with little negotiation possible. Punishment is common.
- Communication is mostly one way: from parent to child. Rules usually are not explained.
- Parents with this style are typically less nurturing.
- Expectations are high with limited flexibility.
Permissive Parenting
Permissive or Indulgent parents mostly let their children do what they want, and offer limited guidance or direction. They are more like friends than parents.
- Their discipline style is the opposite of strict. They have limited or no rules and mostly let children figure problems out on their own.
- Communication is open but these parents let children decide for themselves rather than giving direction.
- Parents in this category tend to be warm and nurturing.
- Expectations are typically minimal or not set by these parents.
Uninvolved Parenting
Uninvolved parents give children a lot of freedom and generally stay out of their way. Some parents may make a conscious decision to parent in this way, while others are less interested in parenting or unsure of what to do.
- No particular discipline style is utilized. An uninvolved parent lets a child mostly do what they want, probably out of a lack of information or caring.
- Communication is limited.
- This group of parents offers little nurturing.
- There are few or no expectations of children.
Authoritative Parenting
What is authoritative parenting? Authoritative parents are reasonable and nurturing, and set high, clear expectations. Children with parents who demonstrate this style tend to be self-disciplined and think for themselves. This style is thought to be most beneficial to children.
- Disciplinary rules are clear and the reasons behind them are explained.
- Communication is frequent and appropriate to the child’s level of understanding.
- Authoritative parents are nurturing.
- Expectations and goals are high but stated clearly. Children may have input into goals.
What is My Parenting Style?
While you may hear of other parenting styles in the news, such as helicopter parenting, tiger parenting, or free-range parenting, many of these philosophies are extensions of Baumrind’s research-based parenting styles outlined above. Few of us fit neatly into one single parenting style, but rather, raise children using a combination of styles. Think of the four parenting styles psychology as a continuum instead of four distinct ways to parent. Ideally, parents can tweak their parenting style based on their children’s needs.
Factors in How Children "Turn Out"
- Relationships. We know from research that parenting does impact kids. Research shows us that the quality of the relationship between parent and child has a huge impact on brain development—the actual architecture of children’s brains is influenced by parenting. Numerous studies have found that secure, healthy parent-child relationships impact children’s stress levels, social-emotional well-being, and even academic success. The work of parenting is figuring out how to have a warm, high-quality relationship with your child while also creating rules and expectations. This takes time and practice, and willingness to course correct when things are not working.
- Temperament. Every person is born with a unique way of approaching the world—their temperament. Research indicates that a combination of family influence and genetic disposition affects how people approach and respond to situations. Temperament includes our activity level, emotional intensity and mood, how we react to new places, transitions, or changes, and our level of focus and persistence. In some cases, children and parents are similar in temperament and share many of the same reactions, perceptions, or opinions. At other times, children and parents may differ. In these cases, parents might need to adjust their expectations. As adults, we’re responsible for the quality and success of our relationships with children. Once we have insight into our temperament and our child’s temperament, we can learn to prepare children and plan or alter the environment, as well as our actions and reactions, to create a “goodness of fit.”
The Baumrind parenting styles offer a starting point for understanding how you generally parent. From there, you can individualize your style for you and your child, creating a “goodness of fit” that prioritizes strong relationships, clear communication, and effective rules and guidance.
Webinar: Getting to Know Your Parenting Style
When it comes to parenting styles, we all know that one size doesn’t fit all. So how can you ensure your parenting style is helping your child to thrive? Access the Bright Horizons® Family Matters webinar to find out.